Feeling Gratitude.

When I looked up and saw the gray sky and felt sheets of rain hitting my face, instead of my beautiful vaulted ceiling, I screamed, well not really scream, I let out the most God awful shriek that lasted minutes, then I fell to the ground sobbing uncontrollably. I had NO control of myself or the situation. Now picture my two little children who look to me for comfort and safety; seeing their then 8 month pregnant mother loosing her mind, when they were so vulnerable as well.  At that moment, the tornado left us completely vulnerable, no clothes, no shoes, no way to drive away, no shelter from impending tornado's.  It's a moment that no matter how hard we want to forget it, it stays with all of us forever.

I bring this up today because, while meeting with my psychiatrist (yes, that's right psychiatrist) she commended me on being so in-tune with my mental health, and my body, and how I take care of both. She also treats my some of my children and is impressed by their level headed spirits. She also said with out a doubt that my schooling is a huge asset to me in understanding how to help my family. I felt true gratitude in the moment to my Heavenly Father for inspiring and directing my education.

I always said I wanted to go to college, but was terrified of it. But one day, about a year after the tornado I got a strong feeling that it was time. In one day I did all my paper work, without telling Wes. Within two weeks I was accepted to USU. Now I've been going a long time because I have a family and they are the most important...but because of my classes in human developement, many many psychology classes, sociology and social work studies; I have been able to recognize issues that were left as a residual of the tornado.

I was also blessed by the knowledge that I had acquired from my education, when I had my gastric bypass. Not just because of my biology classes and physiology class, but also the social science classes. I recognized that I had an addiction that needed to be addressed before I had the procedure or all would be for nothing.

And now, I am able to recognize behaviors that I need to change in order to achieve the goals that I want in order to keep progressing. How blessed I was and still am, to have followed the promptings of God that day, to be where I am today. Of course I am still a work in progress, but the unexpected validation from my Doctor made me think about my blessings; especially during a week when I felt myself lacking in MANY areas, and I felt as though there were people who saw my weaknesses as weaknesses and not as vulnerabilities. And you all know I see vulnerability as courage.

If you are feeling like I have been this week, I encourage you to look back at all of your victories and notice how they have affected your life today, this day.

ROAR ~E