Feeling Gratitude.

When I looked up and saw the gray sky and felt sheets of rain hitting my face, instead of my beautiful vaulted ceiling, I screamed, well not really scream, I let out the most God awful shriek that lasted minutes, then I fell to the ground sobbing uncontrollably. I had NO control of myself or the situation. Now picture my two little children who look to me for comfort and safety; seeing their then 8 month pregnant mother loosing her mind, when they were so vulnerable as well.  At that moment, the tornado left us completely vulnerable, no clothes, no shoes, no way to drive away, no shelter from impending tornado's.  It's a moment that no matter how hard we want to forget it, it stays with all of us forever.

I bring this up today because, while meeting with my psychiatrist (yes, that's right psychiatrist) she commended me on being so in-tune with my mental health, and my body, and how I take care of both. She also treats my some of my children and is impressed by their level headed spirits. She also said with out a doubt that my schooling is a huge asset to me in understanding how to help my family. I felt true gratitude in the moment to my Heavenly Father for inspiring and directing my education.

I always said I wanted to go to college, but was terrified of it. But one day, about a year after the tornado I got a strong feeling that it was time. In one day I did all my paper work, without telling Wes. Within two weeks I was accepted to USU. Now I've been going a long time because I have a family and they are the most important...but because of my classes in human developement, many many psychology classes, sociology and social work studies; I have been able to recognize issues that were left as a residual of the tornado.

I was also blessed by the knowledge that I had acquired from my education, when I had my gastric bypass. Not just because of my biology classes and physiology class, but also the social science classes. I recognized that I had an addiction that needed to be addressed before I had the procedure or all would be for nothing.

And now, I am able to recognize behaviors that I need to change in order to achieve the goals that I want in order to keep progressing. How blessed I was and still am, to have followed the promptings of God that day, to be where I am today. Of course I am still a work in progress, but the unexpected validation from my Doctor made me think about my blessings; especially during a week when I felt myself lacking in MANY areas, and I felt as though there were people who saw my weaknesses as weaknesses and not as vulnerabilities. And you all know I see vulnerability as courage.

If you are feeling like I have been this week, I encourage you to look back at all of your victories and notice how they have affected your life today, this day.

ROAR ~E

I AM

I came across this picture tonight as I was scrolling through InstaGram. It reminded me how important it is to speak kindly and think kindly of ourselves, and furthermore do that for others. I am guilty of labeling people, I am sure subconsciously I do it a lot, even sometimes...maybe even to day consciously I did it. I feel bad, really bad. Because I remember being labeled once, and I have to preface that when it happened the other party was not intending to hurt me. The following excerpt is from my previous blog, at I time that I was working really hard to get the gastric bypass...

 

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

No. Anything but that word.

I went to see my GP for my monthly Medical Diet Check-in. One of the last things we talked about was my worsening Diabetes. I told her I was surprised that it was all the sudden going down hill so quickly. Her response was this:
Well, You're Fat.
Duh, really? The whole phrase hit me like a Mac Truck. It hurt. Especially because she knows my situation, she knows I am doing everything in my power to fight this disease called obesity. That's what it is you know, a chronic illness, that may eventually take my life.
I am not FAT.
I am smart.
I am sensitive.
I am shy.
I am spiritual.
I suffer from obesity. You don't tell a cancer patient they are cancer. You don't tell a person with a learning disability they are dumb. What we look like or what conditions we have does not in any way define what we ARE.
She knew she said something WRONG, because the tears just flowed. She apologized. She FELT bad. Next time she WILL think twice.
I am still really emotional. I hope the tears will go away soon. 

So here I am:

I AM smart.

I AM sensitive

I AM shy

I AM sprirtual

I AM strong

I AM human

I AM imperfect

I AM a daughter of GOD 

I AM a Mother, Wife, Sister, Daughter and Aunt

Sure I have lost a lot of weight, but I AM still the same girl, that I was before:) ~E

If By Chance You Meet a Frown...

We all have those days, when smiling is the last thing on our minds. You know what I'm talking about. Those days when your running from hear to there so fast that you turn on auto-pilot and just go, or those days when nothing seems to go right.

My five year old is very perceptive, and she picks up on peoples moods pretty easily. Last week my teenage daughter was having one of these days, and out of nowhere Sophie, the five year old; started singing a song that goes like this:

If by chance you meet a frown

Do not let it stay

Quickly turn it upside down  

And smile that frown away

I was so impressed by her little spirit for thinking of that song to sing. I am not sure she knows the depth of the message, but what I do know is that we all smiled.

This past July I was at a business conference in Dallas, Texas. If you have ever been there in July then you will understand how HOT and HUMID it is that time of year. So Imagine 10,000 hot sweaty women who have all been traveling, converging on downtown Dallas, can you imagine very many smiles?? If not, then your imagination is completely accurate. I was one of those less than pleasant women. But that changed in an instant. As I was walking through this massive crowd of women, with lots of frowns, someone caught my zombie eye and smiled right at me, and SNAP, I smiled back. In an instant I started looking around and seeing smile after smile after...smile. So you see, I was the one frowning. My perception was flawed, and as soon as someone took the time to look right in my eyes and give me the gift of a smile, my perception changed. My whole outlook changed, I started seeing beauty where I thought there was none. And dangit, I wasn't even as hot and sweaty anymore.

It's important to consciously think about what energy you are putting out, is it good or is it less than desirable. Think about what you could do if you changed one "hot, sweaty, weary travelers" day into one of beauty. For all you know they they'll do the same for someone else? And the cycle will continue and it all started with you, and your smile.

Core Beliefs...It's a Start

 

I had someone ask me a question over the weekend: Where did your journey start. I have been thinking about it a lot. Really it had lots of starts, however this paper I wrote for a class was one of my pivotal turning points. Perhaps because I really had to think about what my core beliefs were, and also what I wanted my posterity to know about me. Now, this was when I was probably 250lbs, and very unhappy about it. I didn't want to be obese anymore. I had the core beliefs, so the ambition was there; I just had to figure out what work needed to be done. (This was over a year before gastric bypass, and several months before I started the process of qualifying for insurance coverage) I was right on the cusp of many things, and I believe this paper started much of it. So if you are looking for a starting point, start with writing down your core beliefs, think and ponder, what would you write your your posterity.

http://misssmartypantsandco.blogspot.com/2010/04/final-project-for-psy-1220.html

Final Project for Psy 1220

This Project caused me a lot of stress. It is a paper on my definition of Success written in letter form to my Children. I struggled because I couldn't really wrap my head around what my definition is. It's a great question to really ask yourself and think about.

Erin Godfrey

Success Project

The purpose of this letter is for me to express my knowledge, opinions and lessons learned in creating success in all that I do through out life. Hopefully by reading this letter my posterity will get to know who I am, and how I define success; and how I implement it in my life. 

While contemplating how to define success in life and career, I asked several people what they thought being successful was. By doing this I realized everyone has their own definition. Success is a very personal thing, we all have different aspirations, hopes, fears, trials and dreams. What may be right for one, will not be right for another.

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved." 

 Helen Keller

Helen Keller's definition of success is beautiful. It is very true to who I am and how I would define it. In my world things have not always been easy, this I am so grateful for. I have many experiences to help shape and mold my Goals and Life Plan. I am learning to chose to be happy, no matter the circumstance of the day. I am going to College so that I can be educated and set an example for my kids. My idea of Success is achieving the goal of raising a happy, well adjusted family. In the following paragraphs I will dive deep into 3 Core Beliefs that I feel are so very important to develop in order to achieve my personal success in my life as a whole.

Accepting Personal Responsibility for the outcome of our life is the first Core Belief that I find so vital to achieving the goals we set for ourselves. On May 25, 2008 I was 8 months pregnant with my third child Sophie. Hayden was 9 and Gracie was 7. It was a typical Sunday evening, my husband Wes was snoozing on the couch as I was cooking dinner. The kids were quietly playing and doing homework. Within 30 minutes time my life went from perfectly normal to perfectly chaotic. I went from living in the home of my dreams and having pretty much everything I ever wanted to being left homeless with only the clothes on my back due to a record breaking 205 mi per hour winds of a  tornado that flattened my home and blew away most of my belongings. While standing on the lawn looking at the devastation around me I knew I had a choice to make. I could choose to let this horrific event ruin my life by allowing myself to be a victim of the tornado or I could choose to overcome the trial and better myself because of it. I chose the latter and have benefited greatly because of that choice. By taking Personal Responsibility I have created an outcome of gratitude for the blessings and miracles that I witnessed, I recognize that ,though, one of the hardest things I have gone through in my 32 years of life it has strengthened me in ways that were not possible without the trial and devastation of the tornado.

"In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility." 

 Eleanor Roosevelt

The second Core Belief that I value as an important role to my success is Self-Motivation. Without it we live from day to day, with no plans or goals insight; by which it makes accomplishment something we never know. Feeling Accomplishment promotes such important things as Happiness and Self-Worth. You must set goals and make a plan. Then the fun part; Visualize yourself accomplishing your goals this will make for great Self-Motivation. As of late, one of my goals is to get my Degree. I have set up mini goals and written out a 5 year plan to help myself achieve this. I visualize the day I get my degree often, I feel the feelings of happiness and this helps me to stay motivated.

"Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it."
 Ralph Waldo Emerson

The third important Core-Belief that I would like to make note of is Self- Awareness. I have made my choice to be Personally Responsible, I have set my goals and recognized my motivation to achieve those goals, but reality sets in and I start to digress...STOP, recognize self-sabotage, learn to recognize self-defeating habits that could potentially take you off the course of accomplishing your goals. Most important learn how to get back on course. We are all living by life rules, whether they are self-empowering or self-destructive. It is important to recognize your rules and make new ones that are self-empowering and let go of the not-so-good ones. My rules are derived from the words of Gordon B. Hinkley, they are as follows:

"Be grateful, be smart, be clean, be true, be humble, be prayerful."
 Gordon B. Hinckley  Way to Be! : 9 Rules For Living the Good Life)

There are many more Core Beliefs that you can form to help in creating a successful well-rounded life, the three I have chosen to highlight are beliefs that are important and personal to me. Not because they happen to be strengths for me but actually because they are all very challenging for me which in the long run make them the most full-filling and beneficial to how I create my own Successful life. My hopes is that this letter will cause self-reflection if not inspiration, and help lead my posterity "On Course".

My Grade: Thanks you Erin for this assignment. I seldom give the whole 100 points but I thought the manner in which you completed this paper was excellent. You followed the directions and included some personal experiences for each of the strategies used!

Congrats!

Bob

100/100

This quote speaks VOLUMES to me about change. I have done a lot of change over the years, but I am not sure I have ever focused so much on owning my story, my faults, my weeknesses AND my strengths as now. You see, I am still evolving. YES, I have lost over 100 lbs, and YES I worked really hard to do so, but YES I still have a ways to go until I have met my physical goals and more importantly my INNER goals. In order for me to move forward in this journey of complete health I have to be willing to find the answers to WHY I became so morbidly obese in the first place. What was I ashamed of, what drove my addiction....maybe, just maybe what was I protecting. These are things that I could easily blame on circumstance or on people, but really I have to go to the dark places deep within myself, to let the light in so to speak. This is very new to me. I plan to blog about it, and I expect there to be a lot of raw emotions, however if you know me, you know for sure that I will throw in some light postings here and there;-) because that is just WHO I AM. So that is that. Think about this quote, are there things in your life you need to own?

The Facts: Where I Have Been, and What Has Shaped the Present Person,Who is ME.

Everyone has a story to share. This blog will be dedicated to my ever evolving story. To start off here are the facts. The ones that are relevant to my story, the ones that have shaped me into who I am.

I am LDS. I am married with three kids, all of which I would lay my life down for.

I was raised in a single parent household and by American standards lived in poverty.

I married when I was 18, and have now been married for almost 18 years.

Each one of my pregnancies were high risk, and with each one I gained 60-80 pounds.  Consequently leaving me obese....morbidly.

In 2007, I was quite content with my life until one day my husband found himself without his secure job. So, we moved half way across the country for a new one. 9 months later after living in our dream home for only 4 months, one day it was ripped off the face of the earth with all of our worldly possessions while we huddled as a family in our cold storage under the porch. While an EF5 tornado rolled over us.After that we came back to Utah.

In 2010 I conquered my fear of college and applied at Utah State University and became a student. I still am schooling today! In 2011 after being denied 2 times for gastric bypass I finally was approved and had it done. 2 years later I am down 120 lbs.

SO, that is that for now. I'll be back soon ~E